Wai, kreng jai and the smile: understanding Thailand's non-verbal codes

A greeting with palms pressed together, a hesitation to ask, a smile that does not always express joy: in Thailand, much communication happens without words. The wai, with its degrees of respect, kreng jai, that fear of imposing on others, and the whole range of smiles form a coherent language. It rests on a simple idea: everyone occupies a place in relation to others, and the body serves to acknowledge it. This article explains what these gestures mean, where they come from and what is really known about their rules, distinguishing established customs, traditions and popular classifications.

Before words, the body speaks

In the lobby of a Bangkok hotel, a receptionist presses her palms together and bows her head. At the market, a stallholder hands back the change with a smile. In a school, pupils greet their teacher, hands raised close to the face. These scenes are so common that one ends up no longer noticing them. Yet each says something precise.

In Thailand, a great deal is conveyed without words. The height of the hands, the tilt of the head, the position of the feet, a smile or a silence: all of this forms a genuine language. It is not folklore reserved for ceremonies. It is everyday etiquette, which children learn very early and which adults practise without thinking.

This language rests on a simple idea: everyone occupies a place in relation to others. One is younger or older, pupil or teacher, employee or boss. Thais speak of phu yai (literally ‘big person’: the elder, the superior) and phu noi (‘little person’: the junior, the one in the lower position). Gestures serve to acknowledge these places, with delicacy. The greeting, restraint and the smile are their three most visible expressions.

The wai, much more than a hello

One gesture, many uses

The wai is the Thai greeting. The palms are pressed together in front of the body, as if in prayer, and the head or upper body is inclined slightly. The Thai language even has a word for each part of the gesture: phanom mue refers to joining the hands, kom hua to lowering the head. Traditionally, people do not shake hands or kiss to say hello.

The wai is not only a greeting. It is also used to say thank you and to apologise. According to tradition, it is also made when formally entering a house. At the end of the visit, one asks permission to leave and makes the same gesture again. The wai opens and closes the encounter, like punctuation.

One rule to understand it all

A simple rule makes it possible to read every wai. The higher the hands rise towards the face, the greater the respect. The lower one bows, the more marked that respect is. The wai is therefore not a single gesture but a scale. In making it, one tells the other person what place one recognises for them.

Where does the gesture come from?

The wai is generally linked to a very ancient gesture from India: the añjali mudra, hands joined as a sign of respect and offering. The Indian namaste and the Burmese greeting belong to the same family. This kinship is widely accepted. On the other hand, no one has been able to date with certainty the appearance of the wai in Thailand: it is best to be wary of the precise dates sometimes found online.

The gesture also has a place in ceremonies. The wai khru, ‘salute to the teacher’, honours teachers. The word khru comes from the Sanskrit guru, ‘teacher’. Before a Thai boxing bout, the fighter performs a ritual dance, the wai khru ram muay. In this way he pays homage to his teacher, his parents and his ancestors. In the past, when bouts took place before the court, the homage was also addressed to the king.

Three hand heights, three degrees of respect

A codified scale

The official rules of etiquette distinguish three levels of wai. According to the Thai guides that present them, this framework was set by the state's cultural services. Each level is recognised by the position of the thumbs and index fingers in relation to the face.

• First level: the sacred. It is addressed to the ‘Three Jewels’ of Buddhism: the Buddha, his teaching (the Dharma) and the community of monks (the Sangha). It also applies to relics and ancient religious objects. The thumbs are placed between the eyebrows, the tips of the index fingers touch the top of the forehead. It is used when prostrating oneself is not possible.
• Second level: close relations one honours. It is addressed to parents, grandparents, teachers and elders. The thumbs touch the nose, the fingertips reach between the eyebrows.
• Third level: respected people in general. It is addressed to superiors or less close elders. The position most often described places the thumbs at the chin and the index fingers at the tip of the nose. We have not, however, been able to confirm it in an official document.

Not all sources present things in the same way. Some speak of three clearly separate levels, others of a continuous scale rising from the chest to the forehead. In both cases, the principle remains the same: the more respected the person, the higher the hands rise.

Beyond the wai: prostration

Before images of the Buddha, monks and the royal family, one goes further than the wai: one prostrates oneself. This gesture is called krap. Its fullest form is known as the ‘five-point prostration’ (benchangkhapradit). Some count prostration among the forms of the wai, others treat it separately. Before a monk, even a simple wai is made with the hands in front of the forehead, not in front of the chest.

Returning the wai

A wai often calls for a response. When a younger person or someone of equal rank greets you, you return their wai (rap wai) more discreetly. The hands stay at chest height, without the fingertips touching the face. The head barely tilts, like a simple nod. The exchange thus remains balanced: each acknowledges the other, each in their place.

One detail often amuses visitors: young children bend their knees when making the wai. For them, it is a normal gesture. Adults, however, do not do it.

Kreng jai, the art of not imposing

A ‘fearful heart’

The second code cannot be seen: it has to be sensed. Kreng jai (often written this way, kreng chai in the official transcription) literally means ‘fearful heart’. This is not fear in the everyday sense. It is rather the fear of inconveniencing, of being a burden on others, of putting them in an awkward position.

The most frequently cited definition comes from a reference work on Thai values, published in 1991 by the Thai researcher Suntaree Komin. For her, kreng jai consists in being considerate. One hesitates to impose anything. One takes into account the other person's feelings and self-esteem. One does everything not to inconvenience them. Komin links this attitude to the concern with ‘saving face’ and the reluctance to criticise openly. In her view, these three traits explain why Thai communication is often indirect.

In everyday life

Kreng jai is learnt from childhood. It does not concern only relations with a superior. It also comes into play between friends, between colleagues, within the family, between partners, and even towards someone younger. Everyone spares the other's feelings, and expects to be spared in return.

A study conducted at Bangkok University attempted to describe what the notion covers in concrete terms. It identifies six ways of being: avoiding conflict, being considerate, being self-aware, following rather than imposing, showing respect and remaining accommodating. In other words, kreng jai is less a rule than a constant sensitivity to the effect one has on others.

A virtue, sometimes a hindrance

Researchers see kreng jai as both a form of delicacy and a source of difficulties. A study conducted in Thai medical schools thus shows that students hesitate to ask their teachers for feedback: they do not want to bother them. Advice then flows mainly in one direction, from the top down. The authors describe kreng jai as a balance between the consideration owed to others and one's own interest.

Researchers working on the border between Thailand and Myanmar raise a related question. Might a patient agree to take part in a medical study simply to please the team? They note that the Burmese and the Karen have a very similar notion, called arr-nar. Other studies compare kreng jai to the Japanese enryo, a form of reserve that is likewise directed towards others.

For a foreigner, the notion remains hard to grasp. In a survey of foreign lecturers working in Thai universities, carried out with the participation of a research centre at a French business school, all of them judged it ‘very complex’. It would nevertheless be reductive to see it as submission. Kreng jai is first and foremost a way of taking care of the relationship.

What a smile conceals

A range rather than an emotion

The smile is probably the most visible code, and the most misunderstood. In Thailand, smiling does not always mean being happy. People smile to greet, to thank, to ease a tense situation, but also to hide embarrassment or sorrow.

Thais are fond, moreover, of listing the different smiles. People often speak of the ‘thirteen Thai smiles’, sometimes twelve, sometimes more. Among the most often cited:

• yim thak thai: the polite smile of greeting;
• yim thang nam ta: the smile through tears;
• yim yae yae: the embarrassed or resigned smile;
• yim haeng: the ‘dry’ smile of someone in an awkward position;
• fuen yim: the forced smile;
• yim yo: the mocking smile.

This list is in no way a scientific classification. The number varies from source to source, and so do the names. It is a popular tradition, a play on language that expresses a truth: the same smiling face can convey very different emotions.

Smiling through hardship

A visitor may be surprised to see someone smile after an accident or at a funeral. This is not indifference. Some observers see it as a cultural way of coping with shock or grief, and of not imposing one's sorrow on others. Here, in a sense, we find the logic of kreng jai again.

As for the tourism label presenting Thailand as the Land of Smiles, its origin remains obscure. We have found no reliable source to date or attribute it. Above all, it risks obscuring the essential point: the Thai smile is not a decoration offered to the visitor, but a fully fledged tool of communication.

Head up, feet down

Thai gestures follow the same vertical logic. The head is the highest and most respected part of the body. The feet are the lowest. From this flow a few simple rules:

• do not touch another person's head;
• avoid pointing at someone or something with your foot;
• avoid placing your feet higher than someone else's head;
• do not step over the legs of a seated person;
• when passing in front of an elderly person or someone of higher rank, lower yourself slightly.

Here we find the principle of the wai once more. The more one wishes to show respect, the more one lowers one's own body or raises one's hands towards the face. The whole body becomes a scale of regard.

Why is the head so important? One often reads that it is said to house the khwan, a kind of vital essence in popular belief. This explanation is very widespread, but we have not been able to verify it in a serious source. It should therefore be taken as a possible interpretation, not as an established fact.

An etiquette that keeps evolving

These codes are not set in stone. The wai is still taught at school and practised everywhere, but some Thai observers believe it is less well mastered than in the past. This is an opinion that no one has measured. The gesture also lives on in new contexts: it welcomes guests in the hospitality industry, opens televised boxing bouts and is passed on in guides for visitors. Kreng jai, for its part, is now the subject of studies in companies, hospitals and universities, where its effects are being examined.

For a traveller, there is no need to master everything. Knowing how to return a wai simply, keeping your feet in their place and not reading every smile as a sign of joy is already enough to avoid many misunderstandings. The most useful thing is to grasp the overall logic. Behind the joined hands, the restraint and the smile lies the same attentiveness: acknowledging the other person's place and preserving the relationship. It is this attentiveness, far more than the exact position of the thumbs, that gives this silent language its coherence.

Sources and further reading

1. Contributeurs Wikipédia, Wai (gesture), Wikipedia, n.d..
2. non indiqué, 'Wai' Thai Greeting, Guide2Thailand, n.d..
3. Pickup Thai, Q2: When do Thais wai? Who should I and should I not wai?, Pickup Thai, n.d..
4. Cultural Atlas, Thai Culture – Greetings, Cultural Atlas (SBS / Mosaica), c. 2015.
5. Contributeurs Wikipédia, Wai khru ram muay, Wikipedia, n.d..
6. non relevé, Culturally responsive research ethics: How the socio-ethical norms of Arr-nar/Kreng-jai inform research participation at the Thai-Myanmar border, PubMed Central (NCBI), 2023.
7. non relevé, Maintaining Harmony of the Paradoxical Values in Thailand, ResearchGate, c. 2014.
8. non relevé, A discourse analysis of the Thai experience of 'being krengjai', ResearchGate / Academia.edu, c. 2011.
9. non relevé, A Study of Thai 'Krengjai' Culture and its Impact on Happiness at the Workplace, Bangkok University (DSpace), c. 2021.
10. non relevé, The Social Functions of 'khwam kreng jai' and 'enryo' in Thai and Japanese Interactions, Journal of Linguistics (Chulalongkorn), ThaiJO, c. 2019.
11. non relevé, The Perception of Foreign Staff towards 'Khwam Krengjai' in Thai Higher Education Institutions, Apheit Journal, ThaiJO, n.d..
12. non relevé, Hierarchy, 'Kreng Jai' and Feedback: A Grounded Theory Study Exploring Perspectives of Clinical Faculty and Medical Students in Thailand, Teaching and Learning in Medicine, vol. 33 n°3 (Taylor & Francis), 2020-2021.
13. The Thaiger, Thai people – 13 types of smiles of Thai people, The Thaiger, c. 2023.
14. The Thaiger, Thailand: The Land of Smiles decoded, The Thaiger, n.d..
15. non indiqué, Twelve Kinds of Smiles, OMF International, c. 2017.
16. non indiqué, An introduction to Thai taboos and cultural no-no's, Centara Hotels & Resorts, n.d..